Stop Maintaining Relationships Through T

Stop Maintaining Relationships Through Treats: True Deep Connections Thrive on "Consistency"

Have you ever been confused by this? A best friend you once talked to about everything—somehow, your chat history has been stuck on "let's meet up sometime" since last month; colleagues you used to order afternoon tea with and complain about work to—they all choose to stay silent when you need help; even your intimate partner—no matter how many sweet words you exchange daily, they still turn away coldly when conflicts arise. We always think the key to good relationships is "more investment"—treating others to more meals, chatting more often, and going out of our way to please them—believing this will solidify the bond, but reality usually tells a different story: an elaborate feast is not as meaningful as a cup of hot coffee handed to you on an overtime night, and a lively gathering can't compare to a simple "good night" before bed each day. The "Mozer's Law" in psychology hits right at the underlying logic of human relationships: people are more likely to trust and feel close to those who are consistently kind and reliable, while relationships that are hot and cold, or distant one moment and close the next—no matter how passionate they are at first—will gradually fade away. Why is "consistent kindness" more powerful than "momentary enthusiasm"? The answer lies in three psychological mechanisms. First, a sense of security comes from "long-term accumulation," not "one-time giving"—take a friend of mine, for example, who never surprises me with grand gestures but always remembers small details like me not eating cilantro and needing warm drinks during my menstrual period, and every time I think of him, a feeling of "steadiness" wells up because this certainty of "he's always there, no matter what" is the real source of security. Second, humans are naturally drawn to "consistency" and repelled by "inconsistency"; the "Cognitive Consistency Theory" in psychology states that consistent behavior makes it easier for us to predict reactions and let our guard down, while hot-and-cold behavior makes us subconsciously keep distance, as no one wants to "guess" in a relationship or fear their sincerity being treated carelessly. Third, true personal charm lies in "consistent presence"—occasional romance or momentary generosity may impress briefly but not last, while those who "never disappear suddenly" can quietly win hearts, like a friend who shares daily snippets (even just a sunset photo or a line about milk tea) to show "I have you in my daily life," which is far more touching than "three-minute enthusiasm." In fact, the breakdown of many relationships may seem caused by a specific incident, but at its core, it's "depleted security"—not that you're not good enough or the other person changed their mind, but "intermittent kindness" that drifts you apart: replying enthusiastically one day but leaving messages unread the next, caring proactively this time but turning a blind eye the next, and repeated occurrences cool even the warmest heart. Applying Mozer's Law doesn't require overthinking—you just need to do three simple things well: "reply when you're free, don't disappear when you're busy" (no need for forced topics or second replies, just let the other know your status, like saying you're working overtime or sharing a fun video that reminds you of them), "hide kindness in the little details" (remembering birthdays, food aversions, or favorite singers is more touching than expensive gifts, and picking up a snack from their usual shop is warmer than occasional "big spending"), and "don't avoid conflicts" (instead of the silent treatment or blocking, be honest like "I'm a bit upset, let's calm down and talk later," which conveys the attitude of "I don't want to give up on this relationship"—the key to repair). In the end, good relationships are never "begged for" or "bought" but slowly nurtured with "consistent kindness"; they don't need much time or money, just keeping the other person in your "daily life" and using a consistent attitude to make each other feel "it's reassuring to be with you." May we all become someone who "stays consistently" in others' lives and meet someone who warms our lives with steady kindness.