When a Millennial American Woman Carries $150,000 in Debt: The Warmth and Weariness of a Debt Support Group

 When a Millennial American Woman Carries $150,000 in Debt: The Warmth and Weariness of a Debt Support Group

I vividly remember the end of last year when I first defaulted. At that time, I hadn't started this blog yet. Instead, I occasionally updated my "Total Default" series on a Q&A website. From then on, I began recording every detail of my default experience, including daily interactions with debt collectors, the progress of negotiations with various banks, the policy plans offered by different banks, and how to identify new collection tactics. Initially, these records were just like a debt diary. Only a few people read them, and even fewer engaged in discussions, resulting in very low traffic. However, since starting this blog, I've entered a much broader world, and I rarely visit that website anymore. Sometimes, it really feels like everything happens for a reason.

 

I bring this up because of something that happened recently. In January, I came across a post by a blogger and joined the debt support group she created. This group opened up a whole new world for me. With around 100 members, all struggling with debt, the group is a lively place. Some crack jokes, some share strategies for dealing with collectors, and others pour out their frustrations. It's a great way to relieve anxiety. I always thought the group owner was a man because of her cartoonish, masculine - looking profile picture and username. It was only through further communication that I discovered she was a woman.

 

The group owner is extremely helpful. She actively engages in group discussions every day, sharing knowledge about debt, including handling procedures and ways to deal with lawsuits. At that time, she had already started her own blog and was offering paid contributions (ranging from $20 - $50 per article, paid upon acceptance) to fellow debtors. I remember she needed some negotiation materials, and since I had purchased a set online, I shared it in the group. She immediately sent me a $20 tip, which left a deep impression on me.

 

Later, I learned that she was a millennial in the public sector who got caught in a "loan broker" trap. She ended up saddled with a $90,000 mortgage, an $11,000 guarantee, and $45,000 in online loans, totaling $150,000 in debt. She once lived in constant fear, but gradually learned to accept her situation. She used a form of "mental victory" to comfort herself: she pretended that she only had the $45,000 in online loans, treating the rest as "legitimate" mortgage debt. This mental trick actually worked wonders.

 

After adding her on social media, we mainly talked about writing experiences, especially since I had just started my blog. In fact, I didn't have a clear plan for my blog at first. During my most desperate and difficult times, I had no hope for the future and just went through the motions every day. Then I realized I couldn't go on like this, so I turned to writing to heal myself - I've always believed in the power of words. Two years ago, I read The Unbearable Lightness of Being recommended by a popular online educator. It took me a week to finish, and I was in tears by the end. The author's words and the story were incredibly powerful. (I highly recommend giving it a read if you haven't already)

 

During these debt - ridden years, I often read books to relieve stress, but I could never fully focus - it was my way of avoiding reality. I knew the dangers of debt - rolling and how debt can erode one's mental health, yet I couldn't bring myself to face the default. I kept it hidden from my family and placed too much importance on my credit score (I wrote about this in a previous article: Why Smart People Seem to Lose Their Judgment When in Debt: The Story of a Postgraduate with $78,000 in Debt). Once you fall into a debt trap, especially with debt - rolling, your judgment seems to deteriorate when you can no longer keep up with payments. This was exactly my situation. So, reading and exercising were just temporary fixes for my anxiety; in essence, I was avoiding the problem. I had opportunities to deal with my debt earlier, but due to my limited understanding, I missed them and ended up defaulting anyway. I deeply regret that. That's why, whenever readers reach out to me, I always emphasize: don't roll your debts, or you'll surely regret it.

 

Anyway, back to the group owner. After adding her, we occasionally chatted about blog writing. But I could tell from her messages that she wasn't doing well recently. Because of managing the group, she was feeling exhausted and was considering shutting down her blog to write about topics she truly loved. I encouraged her to just go for it and stay committed.

 

These past few days, group members said that the group owner left the group. I immediately checked and, as we had previously discussed, she decided to close her blog and focus on writing about her real passions. I think this is a good decision - if you can't stay positive in a debt - focused environment, it's better to move on, or it will just wear you down. I hope she finds her true calling, keeps writing, and gets out of debt soon, just like the name of her group: We Will Eventually Overcome.

 

 

Accompany debtors on their journey to recovery and growth.